It’s not those things that go bump in the night.
It’s not the boogey man, hiding behind a child’s closet door or underneath the bed.
It’s not that weird unexpected noise that causes your ears to perk up and your body to tense.
It’s not the cries, deep sighs or irregular breaths from another, lying not so peacefully beside you.
It’s not the child you put to bed hours ago who now wants to sleep next to you…..where it’s safe.
It’s not the whistling of a mighty wind or the clap of thunder striking too close to where your heart lives.
It’s not that flash in the pan, too bright to see, blast of light from the lightening fingers in the sky.
It’s not the request of a cherished lover to move closer for additional comfort.
It is not…….
It is, however, that something that gives you great pause even in the middle of an entrancing dream sequence.
It is that something that makes you ponder even in unconscious thought.
It is that something that no matter how tired you are and how deeply you think you are sleeping, forces a sleepy eye, a sleepy conscious to awaken….
even if it is only for the briefest moment.
It Is that something you remember momentarily, and not as a passing fancy.
It is what needs to be attended to immediately, written down if only scribbled in the dark for fear that failure to act most expeditiously may cause this precious something to dissipate like so many other somethings before.
It is that something that in that one instance is the most powerful something that requires your immediate, undivided, unwavering attention.
Right now attention!!!!
It is a whisper from the Most High directing your feet, reminding you of your purpose, implanting a powerful thought…. Not prophesied by others but spoken in a sweet melodic and rhythmic way, with perfect pitch and timbre;
for your ears only…..directly to you and for you.
It is nocturnal disturbance.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
YES!
Y. E. S. When placed together in this particular sequential order, the letters Y – E – S comprise one of the most powerful words in the English language. The word YES has been defined as an affirmative; as you ask or say; confirmation or consent. Although as children, we learn the opposite of yes first, the mastery of an effective yes can be life changing.
So, what will you say yes to?
Say YES to dreams deferred.
Say YES to loving yourself, just as you are.
Say YES to finishing that unfinished project.
Say YES to walking purposefully in your life.
Say YES to peace of mind.
Say YES to limitless bounty.
Say YES to increased territory.
Say YES to transformative feelings.
Say YES to the preordained plan for your life.
Just say YES !!!!
So, what will you say yes to?
Say YES to dreams deferred.
Say YES to loving yourself, just as you are.
Say YES to finishing that unfinished project.
Say YES to walking purposefully in your life.
Say YES to peace of mind.
Say YES to limitless bounty.
Say YES to increased territory.
Say YES to transformative feelings.
Say YES to the preordained plan for your life.
Just say YES !!!!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
The Trash Man Cometh!
In most cities across the country, trash service is provided. In some areas, the city pays for trash pick up; while in others, the resident themselves pays for this service. In most cases, the trash man has a regular day to pick up the trash. However, it is important to note that trash pick up will be delayed on holidays. No, that doesn’t mean that the trash man will wait until the next week to pick up the garbage; rather, the customer will be notified of another day this invaluable service will be delivered.
Trash service has gotten somewhat sophisticated and even more beneficial over the past few years. Some companies make provisions for recycling, and provide very specific instructions to address yard waste. I don’t know if you’ve paid attention to your local trash service, but some waste service providers even have trucks that use a mechanical arm to grab the trashcan from the curb! They use to use people for that.
If you are anything like me, there are times when I forget to get the trash ready for pick up. And oh do I pay for it for the next week! Needless to say, although this can often be a thankless job, the service that is provided is invaluable.
For those of us who pay for trash service, we also have to remember to pay our bill; whether it is monthly or quarterly. Failure to pay the trash bill results in no trash service being provided. Translation: Trash buildup!
Have you emptied your trash lately? Not just the physical trash that accumulates from week to week, but the trash in our lives that is accumulating as well? Or have you forgotten to take the trash out, or worse, forgotten to pay for this much needed service?
Some of us have failed to gather the trash that exists in all the rooms that together make up our life. For some of us, trash has been left unattended for a long time. Trash that is not properly disposed of will stink after a while! The trash that we have failed to rid ourselves us is starting to stink too!
Now, you may have put off taking out the trash because you wanted to separate the recyclables from the rest of the garbage. Regardless of this noble effort, it’s all trash now! You may have procrastinated, putting off for tomorrow what could be done today. You may have just forgotten to pay the trash bill. It’s still sitting in the stack of other bills you haven’t quite gotten around to paying. Whatever the reason, please know that the trash you have not properly attended to is fumigating your space in a very unpleasant way.
The trash man cometh! Is your trash ready for pick up?
Trash service has gotten somewhat sophisticated and even more beneficial over the past few years. Some companies make provisions for recycling, and provide very specific instructions to address yard waste. I don’t know if you’ve paid attention to your local trash service, but some waste service providers even have trucks that use a mechanical arm to grab the trashcan from the curb! They use to use people for that.
If you are anything like me, there are times when I forget to get the trash ready for pick up. And oh do I pay for it for the next week! Needless to say, although this can often be a thankless job, the service that is provided is invaluable.
For those of us who pay for trash service, we also have to remember to pay our bill; whether it is monthly or quarterly. Failure to pay the trash bill results in no trash service being provided. Translation: Trash buildup!
Have you emptied your trash lately? Not just the physical trash that accumulates from week to week, but the trash in our lives that is accumulating as well? Or have you forgotten to take the trash out, or worse, forgotten to pay for this much needed service?
Some of us have failed to gather the trash that exists in all the rooms that together make up our life. For some of us, trash has been left unattended for a long time. Trash that is not properly disposed of will stink after a while! The trash that we have failed to rid ourselves us is starting to stink too!
Now, you may have put off taking out the trash because you wanted to separate the recyclables from the rest of the garbage. Regardless of this noble effort, it’s all trash now! You may have procrastinated, putting off for tomorrow what could be done today. You may have just forgotten to pay the trash bill. It’s still sitting in the stack of other bills you haven’t quite gotten around to paying. Whatever the reason, please know that the trash you have not properly attended to is fumigating your space in a very unpleasant way.
The trash man cometh! Is your trash ready for pick up?
Friday, December 12, 2008
Delayed is not Denied!
Instant gratification. That is the definition of most of our current and contemporary lives. There use to be a time when if you wanted to talk to someone on the phone, you had to wait until you got home to make the call. Now we can call, text and im from anywhere on the planet at anytime. Do people even write letters anymore? Some may, but not many. We simply pick up the most recent version of the hottest electronic device and send an instant message. Bills don’t even come in the mail anymore, unless you choose to have them sent that way. Instead, you get email reminders, or reminders on your cell phone. For those who are good stewards of their money, there may even be automatic withdrawal from the bank. Food doesn’t have to be cooked and labored over. We simply drive thru or nuke it. Newspaper distributorship is a thing of the past. We now get the news via the web. We don’t really have to wait for two much of anything anymore.
Children born into this time cannot relate to a typewriter; they relate to computer and laptop only. Dial telephones are antiquated. The games we played as children are now in electronic version. Even games like kickball, soccer, baseball can all be conveniently played in the comfort of the living room through automated machinery.
This is all considered advancement and cutting edge. These are futuristic moves that represent the advancement of intelligence and mankind as a whole. But is there really something wrong with delayed gratification? If a child asks a parent for something; something as minor as a cookie after dinner, and the parent’s response is, “Just wait one minute.” – how many times in that one minute will the child repeatedly ask for the cookie? The child will ask and ask until the parent typically caves in and gives them the cookie. The parents’ intent was for the child to receive the cookie a little later. The child wanted to receive the cookie upon asking. Instant gratification versus delayed gratification.
If we are honest with ourselves, are we any different then our children? Do we wait for things that we want? Do we ask our Creator for something and expect immediate results, whether it be a better job, renewal of our health, our soul mate? And do we assume that the ‘lack of response’ in the time we determine to be sufficient is God’s denial of our request? Do we then question whether our faith is strong or whether he really loves us enough to grant the desires of our heart? Do we forego the work required to get and keep the things we want; preferring instead to leave it at the alter for God to work it out right away?
Delayed is not denied. Give some thought to answered prayers in God’s time. Were you not better prepared to receive them when he saw fit to bestow the blessing? Then think about things you gained without working hard for them; or that were given to you very quickly. What became of those things? Did you appreciate the magnitude of that blessing?
Delayed is not denied. Can you wait?
Children born into this time cannot relate to a typewriter; they relate to computer and laptop only. Dial telephones are antiquated. The games we played as children are now in electronic version. Even games like kickball, soccer, baseball can all be conveniently played in the comfort of the living room through automated machinery.
This is all considered advancement and cutting edge. These are futuristic moves that represent the advancement of intelligence and mankind as a whole. But is there really something wrong with delayed gratification? If a child asks a parent for something; something as minor as a cookie after dinner, and the parent’s response is, “Just wait one minute.” – how many times in that one minute will the child repeatedly ask for the cookie? The child will ask and ask until the parent typically caves in and gives them the cookie. The parents’ intent was for the child to receive the cookie a little later. The child wanted to receive the cookie upon asking. Instant gratification versus delayed gratification.
If we are honest with ourselves, are we any different then our children? Do we wait for things that we want? Do we ask our Creator for something and expect immediate results, whether it be a better job, renewal of our health, our soul mate? And do we assume that the ‘lack of response’ in the time we determine to be sufficient is God’s denial of our request? Do we then question whether our faith is strong or whether he really loves us enough to grant the desires of our heart? Do we forego the work required to get and keep the things we want; preferring instead to leave it at the alter for God to work it out right away?
Delayed is not denied. Give some thought to answered prayers in God’s time. Were you not better prepared to receive them when he saw fit to bestow the blessing? Then think about things you gained without working hard for them; or that were given to you very quickly. What became of those things? Did you appreciate the magnitude of that blessing?
Delayed is not denied. Can you wait?
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Increased Territory
Increased Territory
Increase my territory is a prayer prayed by a number of believers. But in order to understand what facilitates increased territory, one must only look to the life of a farmer. Regardless of how the farmer came into the life of farming, the objective is clear; to produce healthy crops that grow and grow abundantly. So let’s just say the novice farmer decides on the kind of crop he wants to grow. Research and due diligence is required to determine what kind of soil is necessary, as well as what the weather patterns are to support the desired crop. Then the novice farmer must wants to secure a small plot of land to plant the crops. But before any planting can occur, the prospective farmer must scout out what may be a good field for growing. He examines the soil, weather patterns, and takes notes from any neighboring farmers as to how their crops have faired. Once the farmer is satisfied with the land he has chosen, and the crop he intends to plant, the soil must be prepared. The farmer must till the soil; turning the dirt over and over so that it is receptive to the seed soon coming. The farmer takes the time to hoe the land, and make nice even rows for purposeful planting. The farmer meticulously lays the seed; ensuring that not neither too much nor too little goes into one spot. Once the seeds are appropriately distributed, then the farmer gently turns over the soil, ensuring even coverage, and then goes on to water the newly planted seeds at just the right level for optimal growth.
The farmer needs to water the crop at certain times of day to reduce evaporation and ensure that the plants are nourished. The farmer may even use some kind of fertilizer in hopes of expediting the growing process. This step is repeated over and over until the seed breaks through the ground becoming a plant. But the farmer’s work doesn’t stop once the new bud arrives. The work intensifies as this new bud is exposed to the elements; wind, sun, rain, varmints. The farmer must be vigilant in his care of the new buds to ensure that it has an opportunity to grow into a thriving healthy plant.
Fast forward. The full crop has come in, and now it has been harvested. What then is left for the farmer to do? Well, as you well know, his work must continue, even in the off season. He has to do a number of things to ensure that next year’s crop is even greater then the first.
Now whether you realize it or not, the original plot of land for the farmer has sustained some growth. See, the plants that he planted and harvested have dropped seeds. Those seeds have expanded the length and possibly the width of the rows that the farmer originally planted. What could once be successfully contained on lets say a 12 by 12 foot plot, now requires a 16 by 12 foot plot. The farmer may not have been cognizant of the expansion of his land, but he does realize that for continued maximum growth, he must increase his territory.
So, what is the moral of the story? Although praying for increased territory is admirable and in a number of ways may be plausible, your territory will be increased when you do what it is that is required of you. The work, yes, the work. The work, in and of itself, if attended to with the same due diligence of a novice farmer trying to achieve a bumper crop, will increase your territory. When you recognize and accept your divine purpose (the seed to be planted) and you do the work to turn that seed into a mature, thriving plant, territorial increase is automatic! Let us then be like the novice farmer, who becomes the seasoned professional; producing bumper crop season after season. The territory is available. God has already provided the increase.
Increase my territory is a prayer prayed by a number of believers. But in order to understand what facilitates increased territory, one must only look to the life of a farmer. Regardless of how the farmer came into the life of farming, the objective is clear; to produce healthy crops that grow and grow abundantly. So let’s just say the novice farmer decides on the kind of crop he wants to grow. Research and due diligence is required to determine what kind of soil is necessary, as well as what the weather patterns are to support the desired crop. Then the novice farmer must wants to secure a small plot of land to plant the crops. But before any planting can occur, the prospective farmer must scout out what may be a good field for growing. He examines the soil, weather patterns, and takes notes from any neighboring farmers as to how their crops have faired. Once the farmer is satisfied with the land he has chosen, and the crop he intends to plant, the soil must be prepared. The farmer must till the soil; turning the dirt over and over so that it is receptive to the seed soon coming. The farmer takes the time to hoe the land, and make nice even rows for purposeful planting. The farmer meticulously lays the seed; ensuring that not neither too much nor too little goes into one spot. Once the seeds are appropriately distributed, then the farmer gently turns over the soil, ensuring even coverage, and then goes on to water the newly planted seeds at just the right level for optimal growth.
The farmer needs to water the crop at certain times of day to reduce evaporation and ensure that the plants are nourished. The farmer may even use some kind of fertilizer in hopes of expediting the growing process. This step is repeated over and over until the seed breaks through the ground becoming a plant. But the farmer’s work doesn’t stop once the new bud arrives. The work intensifies as this new bud is exposed to the elements; wind, sun, rain, varmints. The farmer must be vigilant in his care of the new buds to ensure that it has an opportunity to grow into a thriving healthy plant.
Fast forward. The full crop has come in, and now it has been harvested. What then is left for the farmer to do? Well, as you well know, his work must continue, even in the off season. He has to do a number of things to ensure that next year’s crop is even greater then the first.
Now whether you realize it or not, the original plot of land for the farmer has sustained some growth. See, the plants that he planted and harvested have dropped seeds. Those seeds have expanded the length and possibly the width of the rows that the farmer originally planted. What could once be successfully contained on lets say a 12 by 12 foot plot, now requires a 16 by 12 foot plot. The farmer may not have been cognizant of the expansion of his land, but he does realize that for continued maximum growth, he must increase his territory.
So, what is the moral of the story? Although praying for increased territory is admirable and in a number of ways may be plausible, your territory will be increased when you do what it is that is required of you. The work, yes, the work. The work, in and of itself, if attended to with the same due diligence of a novice farmer trying to achieve a bumper crop, will increase your territory. When you recognize and accept your divine purpose (the seed to be planted) and you do the work to turn that seed into a mature, thriving plant, territorial increase is automatic! Let us then be like the novice farmer, who becomes the seasoned professional; producing bumper crop season after season. The territory is available. God has already provided the increase.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Bankruptcy
Bankruptcy is defined as the liquidation of one’s assets. The debtor is considered, “insolvent”; in essence, they are without net worth, and as a result, in a federal proceeding the debtor is relieved of their debt.
Because of the current state of the economy, more and more people are filing for bankruptcy. Too many of us have gotten in over our financial head, can’t afford to maintain the lifestyles to which we have grown accustomed, and must now liquidate what assets we have to survive. A great number of factors may have contributed to our financial bankruptcy: under or unemployment, loss of job, high medical bills, children’s college education, unexpected traumatic events, the increased cost of living). But regardless of the negative factors associated with our current financial condition, the end result is still the same. Bankruptcy.
But what of your spiritual life? Have your spiritual assets been liquidated? Are you operating in a spiritual vacuum, deplete of the tools necessary to make your spiritual life solvent? The answer to these questions lies in your daily relationship with God, or maybe the lack thereof. Unemployment or underemployment has negatively impacted your financial status. Has un-involvement or under-involvement with God negatively impacted your spiritual status? Increased cost of college, daily life expenses, medical bills may have had an adverse effect on your current financial status. Has the high cost of the life that we have chosen to live cost us spiritually?
And what about the notion that a lifetime of poor choices and poor fiscal management has left us in the precarious position of needing a financial bailout? Has a lifetime of poor choices and poor spiritual management left us spiritually bankrupt? God is the only bailout for the spiritual condition that we find ourselves in!! Ask for some assistance today.
Because of the current state of the economy, more and more people are filing for bankruptcy. Too many of us have gotten in over our financial head, can’t afford to maintain the lifestyles to which we have grown accustomed, and must now liquidate what assets we have to survive. A great number of factors may have contributed to our financial bankruptcy: under or unemployment, loss of job, high medical bills, children’s college education, unexpected traumatic events, the increased cost of living). But regardless of the negative factors associated with our current financial condition, the end result is still the same. Bankruptcy.
But what of your spiritual life? Have your spiritual assets been liquidated? Are you operating in a spiritual vacuum, deplete of the tools necessary to make your spiritual life solvent? The answer to these questions lies in your daily relationship with God, or maybe the lack thereof. Unemployment or underemployment has negatively impacted your financial status. Has un-involvement or under-involvement with God negatively impacted your spiritual status? Increased cost of college, daily life expenses, medical bills may have had an adverse effect on your current financial status. Has the high cost of the life that we have chosen to live cost us spiritually?
And what about the notion that a lifetime of poor choices and poor fiscal management has left us in the precarious position of needing a financial bailout? Has a lifetime of poor choices and poor spiritual management left us spiritually bankrupt? God is the only bailout for the spiritual condition that we find ourselves in!! Ask for some assistance today.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Extra - ordinary Gifts
People talk a lot about gifts. Personal gifts are often admired, and may be envied by some. There are all kinds of gifts. In the natural, some people are talented vocalists or musicians. They have been given the gift of song. Some have been gifted with a high level of intelligence, or the ability to be incredible orators. World class athletes have been given the gift of extraordinary speed, or strength or athletic prowess. In the spiritual, some have been described as having the gift of discerning, healing, or prophecy. These gifted people in our midst are considered special; they are considered extraordinary.
But we have all been given extra-ordinary gifts, and for a number of us, we take these ‘ordinary’ gifts for granted. If we are sighted people, we wake up in the morning expecting to see. We rarely give it any thought or pay this gift any extra attention. If we are hearing people, we operate throughout the day expecting to hear. We rarely give it a second thought. We have always been hearing and expect to continue to be hearing. If we are verbal people, we speak from the time of awakening until the time of sleep. We never hesitate or consider that when we open our mouths, intelligible sounds would be uttered. We rarely give this ordinary gift any thought. We step out of slumber, to stand on our own two feet; not considering the gift of mobility. We move our bodies and our extremities in concert to accomplish our daily tasks. No thought is given to the gift of movement. We smell just as we breathe. It’s ordinary, it’s routine, and it’s expected.
We touch and are touched. We feel the changes in the weather against our skin. We feel the warmth of a loving caress on our bodies and in our hearts. We feel. More than that, we are a thinking people. We formulate thoughts and they are manifested into action. Our minds speak like into our very existence. Thinking is taken for granted and seen as an ordinary occurrence; too often, not an extra-ordinary process. These ordinary gifts of sight, hearing, the ability to smell, move, feel, and think are just that --- ordinary.
But are they really? Are they really all that ordinary? If they are just regular gifts, then it would be easy to relinquish any one of them, right? If seeing the love in our children’s faces is just ordinary, then we could willingly give up the gift of sight. If hearing the laughter of a small child, or the music that fills our souls is just ordinary, then we would without hesitation, relinquish the gift of hearing. If answering a question in class, making a presentation at work, or simply replying to a ‘hello’ or expressing feelings of love, is just an ordinary regular gift, then by all means, we could let go of the ability to speak. If smelling Sunday dinner that draws all family members to the collective table in communal celebration, or smelling the mind altering and sweet remembering fragrance of the one you love is a just a plain and ordinary gift, it too can be easily let go. If feeling the warmth of a mother’s breast to the face of her suckling child, or the impassioned embraced of our deepest love is just ordinary, we would rarely miss it if it was gone. If moving to help our baby that has fallen, moving in a spirit filled dance, or moving in sync to music we hear and rhythm we feel with the one we love is simply ordinary, then movement could be easily given away. If thinking about our friends, family and the one’s we hold dear is just a rudimentary and ordinary gift, then, we could think no more. Right?
We have been given gifts that keep on giving. Some of us have fewer gifts then others; but even when one gift is absent, our other gifts seemed to be increased and enhanced. God does not bestow ordinary gifts. All gifts are extra-ordinary.
But we have all been given extra-ordinary gifts, and for a number of us, we take these ‘ordinary’ gifts for granted. If we are sighted people, we wake up in the morning expecting to see. We rarely give it any thought or pay this gift any extra attention. If we are hearing people, we operate throughout the day expecting to hear. We rarely give it a second thought. We have always been hearing and expect to continue to be hearing. If we are verbal people, we speak from the time of awakening until the time of sleep. We never hesitate or consider that when we open our mouths, intelligible sounds would be uttered. We rarely give this ordinary gift any thought. We step out of slumber, to stand on our own two feet; not considering the gift of mobility. We move our bodies and our extremities in concert to accomplish our daily tasks. No thought is given to the gift of movement. We smell just as we breathe. It’s ordinary, it’s routine, and it’s expected.
We touch and are touched. We feel the changes in the weather against our skin. We feel the warmth of a loving caress on our bodies and in our hearts. We feel. More than that, we are a thinking people. We formulate thoughts and they are manifested into action. Our minds speak like into our very existence. Thinking is taken for granted and seen as an ordinary occurrence; too often, not an extra-ordinary process. These ordinary gifts of sight, hearing, the ability to smell, move, feel, and think are just that --- ordinary.
But are they really? Are they really all that ordinary? If they are just regular gifts, then it would be easy to relinquish any one of them, right? If seeing the love in our children’s faces is just ordinary, then we could willingly give up the gift of sight. If hearing the laughter of a small child, or the music that fills our souls is just ordinary, then we would without hesitation, relinquish the gift of hearing. If answering a question in class, making a presentation at work, or simply replying to a ‘hello’ or expressing feelings of love, is just an ordinary regular gift, then by all means, we could let go of the ability to speak. If smelling Sunday dinner that draws all family members to the collective table in communal celebration, or smelling the mind altering and sweet remembering fragrance of the one you love is a just a plain and ordinary gift, it too can be easily let go. If feeling the warmth of a mother’s breast to the face of her suckling child, or the impassioned embraced of our deepest love is just ordinary, we would rarely miss it if it was gone. If moving to help our baby that has fallen, moving in a spirit filled dance, or moving in sync to music we hear and rhythm we feel with the one we love is simply ordinary, then movement could be easily given away. If thinking about our friends, family and the one’s we hold dear is just a rudimentary and ordinary gift, then, we could think no more. Right?
We have been given gifts that keep on giving. Some of us have fewer gifts then others; but even when one gift is absent, our other gifts seemed to be increased and enhanced. God does not bestow ordinary gifts. All gifts are extra-ordinary.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
No Man Before Me!
It’s outlined clearly in the Bible: “Thou shall have no other god before me”. That’s God speaking to humanity with clear instructions. This instruction is an integral part of the Ten Commandments. But is it one that we follow?
When we pledge our love to another human being during the formal process of marriage, we make very serious commitments; to love, honor, sometimes ”obey”, to cleave only to our spouse until death do us part. These are also very clear instructions; and we have great intentions going in and hopefully throughout the process.
But do the lines blur? Do we find ourselves elevating our spouses to such a high place in our lives that they become a “god” to us? For anyone who has been married, they are well aware that marriage, even a healthy and happy marriage is a lot of work. We are focused on our spouse; we want to make them happy, provide for them, love them, honor them, and take care of them. We spend a lot of time on our relationship. Before marriage, we first want to get the other persons attention and be memorable. Once we have been successful at this task, we then must initiate some type of meaningful relationship. We spend a lot of time talking, and thinking about the other person – wondering if they are thing about us. Once we have a vested interest that we want to pursue, we have to solidify the connection we have made. We put our best foot forward; we are on our best behavior, we are mindful of how we dress and what we say. We want to impress that person. Once that hurdle is crossed and genuine feelings begin to emerge, we contemplate taking a more serious step; a step to a committed relationship. Our thoughts and feelings become more intense. We begin to fantasize about a life together, and can even visualize what time spent with that person for the long haul would be like. And then we make the proposal, and all things being equal, our fantasies become our reality.
. Even in situations where marriage is not the issue, but love or seeking love is, do we step over the line? We spend so much time figuring out how to love and who to love that it can become all consuming. We worry about our significant other when they are not with us. At some times in a relationship, we can even be a little obsessed in thoughts and actions regarding the other person. Have they then become a ‘god’ to us?
Therein lies the question. The answer is simple. Do we spend as much time developing our relationship with God? Do we want to make him happy? Do we wonder if we are memorable to God? Do we actively pursue our relationship with our Divine Creator, hoping that this is a relationship that will last forever? Are we obsessive about our walk with our Higher Power?
We cannot afford to have blurry lines. We are to honor and love our spouses, as they love and honor God – in that order and under those conditions.
Make sure that the lines are clear. There shall be no god before God!
When we pledge our love to another human being during the formal process of marriage, we make very serious commitments; to love, honor, sometimes ”obey”, to cleave only to our spouse until death do us part. These are also very clear instructions; and we have great intentions going in and hopefully throughout the process.
But do the lines blur? Do we find ourselves elevating our spouses to such a high place in our lives that they become a “god” to us? For anyone who has been married, they are well aware that marriage, even a healthy and happy marriage is a lot of work. We are focused on our spouse; we want to make them happy, provide for them, love them, honor them, and take care of them. We spend a lot of time on our relationship. Before marriage, we first want to get the other persons attention and be memorable. Once we have been successful at this task, we then must initiate some type of meaningful relationship. We spend a lot of time talking, and thinking about the other person – wondering if they are thing about us. Once we have a vested interest that we want to pursue, we have to solidify the connection we have made. We put our best foot forward; we are on our best behavior, we are mindful of how we dress and what we say. We want to impress that person. Once that hurdle is crossed and genuine feelings begin to emerge, we contemplate taking a more serious step; a step to a committed relationship. Our thoughts and feelings become more intense. We begin to fantasize about a life together, and can even visualize what time spent with that person for the long haul would be like. And then we make the proposal, and all things being equal, our fantasies become our reality.
. Even in situations where marriage is not the issue, but love or seeking love is, do we step over the line? We spend so much time figuring out how to love and who to love that it can become all consuming. We worry about our significant other when they are not with us. At some times in a relationship, we can even be a little obsessed in thoughts and actions regarding the other person. Have they then become a ‘god’ to us?
Therein lies the question. The answer is simple. Do we spend as much time developing our relationship with God? Do we want to make him happy? Do we wonder if we are memorable to God? Do we actively pursue our relationship with our Divine Creator, hoping that this is a relationship that will last forever? Are we obsessive about our walk with our Higher Power?
We cannot afford to have blurry lines. We are to honor and love our spouses, as they love and honor God – in that order and under those conditions.
Make sure that the lines are clear. There shall be no god before God!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Procrastination
If we were completely honest with ourselves, we would all have to admit that at one time or another we have procrastinated. What is procrastination? Putting off for tomorrow what could be done today. Okay, so maybe we are not full procrastinators. We only put off for a half a day or a few hours what could be done now. Those of us who are proficient procrastinators justify our failure to act by adopting the philosophy, " it doesn't matter when it gets done, as long as it gets done!" Well, sounds good. But what if the shoe was on the other foot? What if that philosophy was used by the one who really controls our life? What if God adopted the procrastinator's philosophy. What would be the real ramifications and manifestations of a God who decides that it doesn't matter when it gets done, as long as it gets done?
Just reflect for a minute on the times and occasions when you pray your most ferverent prayer. Even for those who do not profess a belief in a Higher power, at times of crisis, the first exclamatory remark is too often "Oh God!" What if at that very moment when you feel you need his interventive power the most, He decides to procrastinate? What then?
So is it fair, then to expect immediacy from God when he can't expect responsiveness from us? Yes, God is all knowing and all powerful, and we all have fallen short of his glory. But what if the things that he is requiring of us must be executed at the appropriate time in order for the fullness of his bounty to manifest in our lives? What if because of our lackadaisical response time, the blessing he had in store for us is bestowed on someone else?
Our divine purpose can never be fulfilled if we choose to put off for tomorrow what he has instructed us to do today. Will we still choose then, to procrastinate?
Just reflect for a minute on the times and occasions when you pray your most ferverent prayer. Even for those who do not profess a belief in a Higher power, at times of crisis, the first exclamatory remark is too often "Oh God!" What if at that very moment when you feel you need his interventive power the most, He decides to procrastinate? What then?
So is it fair, then to expect immediacy from God when he can't expect responsiveness from us? Yes, God is all knowing and all powerful, and we all have fallen short of his glory. But what if the things that he is requiring of us must be executed at the appropriate time in order for the fullness of his bounty to manifest in our lives? What if because of our lackadaisical response time, the blessing he had in store for us is bestowed on someone else?
Our divine purpose can never be fulfilled if we choose to put off for tomorrow what he has instructed us to do today. Will we still choose then, to procrastinate?
Monday, November 17, 2008
Following Directions!
So many of us have been driving for so long that we often drive on automatic pilot; especially when we are going places that are familiar to us. We can of course drive to work and home without paying much attention to the available street and highway signs. We want to ensure that we get there safely, so we are cautious, particularly about other drivers, (and even the police).
But what happens when we need to follow directions, you know, to get to a place more unfamiliar to us or maybe where we have never been before? Some of us use computer generated directions such as map quest, or use GPS systems in our car. Some of us may call ahead to our destinations to confirm addresses and even clarify directions. Some may even use a printed map to ensure that they are going the right direction to get to the desired destination; being mindful to take the phone number of our desired location with us, just in case we get lost on the way.
We are very careful to pay attention to street and highway signs; east, west, north south, highway markers, names at exits, yield, stop, bear left bear right, fork in the road. We don’t want to drive too fast because we don’t want to miss the exit or the street we are supposed to turn on. And heaven forbid there is inclement weather. We are particularly cautious then, as rain or snow can limit visibility and make road conditions tenuous. We become hyper-conscious in inclement weather of other drivers, who may not be as careful on the roadways.
But what about the directions the Creator gives? Are we driving through life on automatic pilot, not being mindful or careful, because we are familiar with the way? Are we so confident of our own destination that we don’t pay attention to the street and highway signs, direction us to go, stop, yield, watch out for pedestrians, or fork in the road? Do we seek assistance in determining the appropriate route to take to get to a new or unfamiliar destination; consulting divine and righteous guides like the Bible or the Holy Quran? Do we heed that still sweet voice that provides mile markers and reassurances that we are traveling the right way, even in inclement weather?
Heeding the Creator’s call provides perfected direction for our lives. There may be some missed exits along the way, because of our human nature. But He has a way of providing sufficient opportunity for a legal u-turn that puts us back on our purposed path. He ensures that the street and highway signs are clear and visible, even in stormy weather; and that we have sufficient time to take the correct exit and make the proper turns.
Have you sought divine directions to find your purposed destination, or do you think you are familiar with the right and can get there on automatic pilot?
But what happens when we need to follow directions, you know, to get to a place more unfamiliar to us or maybe where we have never been before? Some of us use computer generated directions such as map quest, or use GPS systems in our car. Some of us may call ahead to our destinations to confirm addresses and even clarify directions. Some may even use a printed map to ensure that they are going the right direction to get to the desired destination; being mindful to take the phone number of our desired location with us, just in case we get lost on the way.
We are very careful to pay attention to street and highway signs; east, west, north south, highway markers, names at exits, yield, stop, bear left bear right, fork in the road. We don’t want to drive too fast because we don’t want to miss the exit or the street we are supposed to turn on. And heaven forbid there is inclement weather. We are particularly cautious then, as rain or snow can limit visibility and make road conditions tenuous. We become hyper-conscious in inclement weather of other drivers, who may not be as careful on the roadways.
But what about the directions the Creator gives? Are we driving through life on automatic pilot, not being mindful or careful, because we are familiar with the way? Are we so confident of our own destination that we don’t pay attention to the street and highway signs, direction us to go, stop, yield, watch out for pedestrians, or fork in the road? Do we seek assistance in determining the appropriate route to take to get to a new or unfamiliar destination; consulting divine and righteous guides like the Bible or the Holy Quran? Do we heed that still sweet voice that provides mile markers and reassurances that we are traveling the right way, even in inclement weather?
Heeding the Creator’s call provides perfected direction for our lives. There may be some missed exits along the way, because of our human nature. But He has a way of providing sufficient opportunity for a legal u-turn that puts us back on our purposed path. He ensures that the street and highway signs are clear and visible, even in stormy weather; and that we have sufficient time to take the correct exit and make the proper turns.
Have you sought divine directions to find your purposed destination, or do you think you are familiar with the right and can get there on automatic pilot?
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Do you have insurance?
Insurance. There are all kinds: health insurance, life insurance, short and long term disability insurance, car insurance….the list goes on and on. Having insurance is considered fiscally responsible by the financial pundits, and necessary to many of us who have it. We pay on our insurance typically in installments; whether it is monthly, quarterly, or annually. Most of us wouldn’t think of living or dying without it!
But do you have assurance? There is only one kind. It’s the assurance of knowing your higher power? Having this kind of assurance is considered spiritually responsible by the theological pundits; necessary for those of us who have it, and needed by those who don’t. We pay for this assurance in installments, as well: whether it is many times a day, weekly, monthly, quarterly, or annually. Most of us wouldn’t think of living or dying without it!
Check your assurance policy. Ensure that you have enough coverage. Make sure you never allow your policy to lapse. If you haven’t secured an assurance policy, comparison shop, and make an informed decision. Don’t procrastinate. Failing to act can be costly.
But do you have assurance? There is only one kind. It’s the assurance of knowing your higher power? Having this kind of assurance is considered spiritually responsible by the theological pundits; necessary for those of us who have it, and needed by those who don’t. We pay for this assurance in installments, as well: whether it is many times a day, weekly, monthly, quarterly, or annually. Most of us wouldn’t think of living or dying without it!
Check your assurance policy. Ensure that you have enough coverage. Make sure you never allow your policy to lapse. If you haven’t secured an assurance policy, comparison shop, and make an informed decision. Don’t procrastinate. Failing to act can be costly.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
What is Your Interest Rate?
Over and over you have heard it in the news, “The federal government is dropping the interest rate!” This report is often greeted with sighs of relief, or even exclamatory expressions, as a drop in the interest rate supposedly reflects positively on the market. Positive effects on the market may equate to stabilization of stock trades on the market; availability of credit for businesses and individuals, greater equity and a positive income flow in home ownership. Dropping the interest rate is a good thing, right?
Well, it may be good for the market, but would a drop in your interest rate be a positive? Please don’t misunderstand, your interest rate is not determined by others outside of you. Your interest rate is only determined by you. Others interest in you is ancillary at best. It has minimal if any value; particularly if you have lost interest in your self.
Your interest rate stands in stark opposition to the oxymoron that is the federal reserves reporting on the interest rate. A drop in their interest rate is a positive thing, for the most part. But what is a drop in your self interest rate? What happens when you stop being interested in the person that you are? Stop being interested in protecting, nurturing, and caring about the interest that is you?
Unlike the federal reserve, your interest rate needs to remain high and viable. An increased self interest rate means that you care enough about yourself to take pride in yourself, your responsibilities, your accomplishments, your story. So…..what is your interest rate?
Well, it may be good for the market, but would a drop in your interest rate be a positive? Please don’t misunderstand, your interest rate is not determined by others outside of you. Your interest rate is only determined by you. Others interest in you is ancillary at best. It has minimal if any value; particularly if you have lost interest in your self.
Your interest rate stands in stark opposition to the oxymoron that is the federal reserves reporting on the interest rate. A drop in their interest rate is a positive thing, for the most part. But what is a drop in your self interest rate? What happens when you stop being interested in the person that you are? Stop being interested in protecting, nurturing, and caring about the interest that is you?
Unlike the federal reserve, your interest rate needs to remain high and viable. An increased self interest rate means that you care enough about yourself to take pride in yourself, your responsibilities, your accomplishments, your story. So…..what is your interest rate?
Without Refrain
Without Refrain
Those who are musically inclined are well aware of the ‘refrain’ in a song. The musical refrain is the “repeat”; the chorus, the bridge, the lick – accented by differentiated rhythm, synchronization, and sharp harmonic contrast. It’s the ‘swing low sweet chariot, comin’ for to carry me home’ part of the song - the part you sing with more vibrato because it is familiar’ – the part you sing more loudly and confidently because you know all the words.
The refrain is the familiar. The refrain is the repeat. The refrain is cyclical. But what about life’s refrains? They can be positive or negative. Repeatedly showing signs of affection to family, friends, and especially your children is a positive refrain, a positive repeated action. Regularly saving money for a rainy day or your retirement or children’s college education is a refrain, a positively repeated action. But refrains can also be negative. Forgiving your husband, boyfriend, paramour, lover, after he beat you yet again and promised that he wouldn’t, is a negative refrain, a negative repeated action. Robbing Peter to pay Paul cause you blew the money on frivolous spending and again can’t meet your financial obligations is a negative refrain, a negatively repeated action.
Some refrains we keep, and duplicate the concept in other areas of our lives. Others are refrains that we could do without. Are you living without refrain?
Those who are musically inclined are well aware of the ‘refrain’ in a song. The musical refrain is the “repeat”; the chorus, the bridge, the lick – accented by differentiated rhythm, synchronization, and sharp harmonic contrast. It’s the ‘swing low sweet chariot, comin’ for to carry me home’ part of the song - the part you sing with more vibrato because it is familiar’ – the part you sing more loudly and confidently because you know all the words.
The refrain is the familiar. The refrain is the repeat. The refrain is cyclical. But what about life’s refrains? They can be positive or negative. Repeatedly showing signs of affection to family, friends, and especially your children is a positive refrain, a positive repeated action. Regularly saving money for a rainy day or your retirement or children’s college education is a refrain, a positively repeated action. But refrains can also be negative. Forgiving your husband, boyfriend, paramour, lover, after he beat you yet again and promised that he wouldn’t, is a negative refrain, a negative repeated action. Robbing Peter to pay Paul cause you blew the money on frivolous spending and again can’t meet your financial obligations is a negative refrain, a negatively repeated action.
Some refrains we keep, and duplicate the concept in other areas of our lives. Others are refrains that we could do without. Are you living without refrain?
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Be Present!
Be present. It sounds simple enough, to be present, but this concept can prove quite difficult. I'm sure you remember being in elementary or secondary school, and the classroom roll was called. When you heard your name called by the instructor, you had to respond: PRESENT! I'M HERE! You acknowledged that your name was called, and confirmed that you were attentive to the process. I'm sure you also remember some children who were delayed in responding to the roll call. The instructor would call their name and there would be somewhat of a delay. The instructor may even repeat the name again, and maybe there would still be no response. The child was there, in the room; the teacher could see the child, as could the other children in the room; but still, there was this delay in responding.
Maybe a nudge from a classmate or the instructor elevating their voice would get the 'absent' child's attention and then they would respond, "Oh, I'm here."
Are you present? Are you attentive to the processes of life and the tasks laid out before you? Are you aware of your divine purpose and, more than that, are you operating in your purpose? When called upon, do you readily answer, "PRESENT! I'M HERE!" Or are you much like the inattentive child in class who requires an elevated voice or a not so gentle nudge?
BE PRESENT!! BE PRESENT IN YOUR PURPOSE!! What if there is no nudge, what then?
Maybe a nudge from a classmate or the instructor elevating their voice would get the 'absent' child's attention and then they would respond, "Oh, I'm here."
Are you present? Are you attentive to the processes of life and the tasks laid out before you? Are you aware of your divine purpose and, more than that, are you operating in your purpose? When called upon, do you readily answer, "PRESENT! I'M HERE!" Or are you much like the inattentive child in class who requires an elevated voice or a not so gentle nudge?
BE PRESENT!! BE PRESENT IN YOUR PURPOSE!! What if there is no nudge, what then?
Thursday, October 30, 2008
When All Else Fails?
Have you ever had the feeling that no matter what you did, nothing seemed to be working out? You do all the right things; work hard, take care of family, act responsibly as a citizen, give back to the community, steadfastly adhere to your faith, and things still seem not to go as planned? You find yourself short of money; having difficulties on the job; disconcerted in your relationships; struggling on all fronts. What's worse, you begin to wonder if faith in a higher power is enough? If prayers really are answered...... if anyone is listening at all!
At that very moment, when you feel like you can't take another step, make another decision, go on any further, STOP! BE STILL!! TAKE A DEEP BREATH!!
Know that when you are at your wits end, there's someone there with a surplus of wit.
Know that when you can't go on, there's someone operating on your behalf.
Just know, when you feel like you can't take one more step, there is someone who has already walked the path for you.
You are never alone. When all else fails, be still and look up!
At that very moment, when you feel like you can't take another step, make another decision, go on any further, STOP! BE STILL!! TAKE A DEEP BREATH!!
Know that when you are at your wits end, there's someone there with a surplus of wit.
Know that when you can't go on, there's someone operating on your behalf.
Just know, when you feel like you can't take one more step, there is someone who has already walked the path for you.
You are never alone. When all else fails, be still and look up!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Reflected Gifts
What are reflected gifts?
I have given this concept, this philosophy, this thought process, a lot of consideration. Like many contemplative thoughts, they occur in the middle of the night; causing you to startle from sleep, and keeping you from returning until such time as you do something with this nocturnal disturbance.
Through life experiences, mine and others, I have contemplated the concept of gifts. I think we all have them, gifted to us at a time before we were conceived. Almost predetermined. Predestined. Not in a scary kind of way, but in the true nature of a gift.
When gifts are recognized and acknowledged by the person who holds them, it is like a child who opens the best gift they have ever received; and they play with the gift incessantly...... at least for a while; until the next gift manifests itself.
That is how some of us have managed the gifts with which we have been bestowed. We are excited about their discovery, like a new toy. But the feeling lasts only as long as the toy seems new. Then we find ourselves eagerly awaiting the next new toy. The next gift.
But the gifts that have been bestowed upon us, that lie within us, are not quite like toys. They are more like seeds that need to be nurtured, watered, fed; Cultivated, contemplated, and given significant consideration. That seed, that thought, that innate and even divine ability can become something magnificent; but only if cared for properly.
It is only when we have properly cultivated our inherent gifts that those gifts can then be reflected; mirrored; transmitted to others .........and at the same time, reflected back to ourselves.
The gift that is reflected in the mirror is the gift of you. Cultivate it into something spectacularly brilliant!!
I have given this concept, this philosophy, this thought process, a lot of consideration. Like many contemplative thoughts, they occur in the middle of the night; causing you to startle from sleep, and keeping you from returning until such time as you do something with this nocturnal disturbance.
Through life experiences, mine and others, I have contemplated the concept of gifts. I think we all have them, gifted to us at a time before we were conceived. Almost predetermined. Predestined. Not in a scary kind of way, but in the true nature of a gift.
When gifts are recognized and acknowledged by the person who holds them, it is like a child who opens the best gift they have ever received; and they play with the gift incessantly...... at least for a while; until the next gift manifests itself.
That is how some of us have managed the gifts with which we have been bestowed. We are excited about their discovery, like a new toy. But the feeling lasts only as long as the toy seems new. Then we find ourselves eagerly awaiting the next new toy. The next gift.
But the gifts that have been bestowed upon us, that lie within us, are not quite like toys. They are more like seeds that need to be nurtured, watered, fed; Cultivated, contemplated, and given significant consideration. That seed, that thought, that innate and even divine ability can become something magnificent; but only if cared for properly.
It is only when we have properly cultivated our inherent gifts that those gifts can then be reflected; mirrored; transmitted to others .........and at the same time, reflected back to ourselves.
The gift that is reflected in the mirror is the gift of you. Cultivate it into something spectacularly brilliant!!
My Babies Daddy
Who would have thought Iwould have a babies daddy
the one who was never supposed to marry.
the one who never saw
the white picket fence ,the minivan, in my future
for me that was no draw
But I do,
well I did
until He decided it was time to rid
me of the obviously unwanted baggage that was my spouse
at first it was good,
then he became a louse
A louse and a lousy drunk,
who stunk like the local 15th street drunk.
And i try not to curse the dead,
but it's hard when I think about all the mess you left
ignorant m@#$%$#@ retard.
And to think
I was once under the impression
that I mattered to you
and was part of your vision for a wonderful life together
you and me,
and oh of course the baby made three well four,
cause right after you left
I had your son,
in grief at your behest
Well they thought I should be gieving tis true
but I couldn't cry over someone who became less like you.
I did cry
but not because I was sad
at least not for myself
but for my daughter's dad.
because she honestly loved you
as only a child could
and she loved you and she always would.
But my son would never know you
maybe thats bad but maybe it's good.
He will never know
the disappointment you had become to me,
but I was not the only one
..... to yourself
and I am sure
that is why you always threatened that you wanted to die.
And I guess I could have been
more sympathetic
and tried to understand
when you had that damn bottle in your hand
that you were far more disappointed
in yourself
more than I could be in anyone else.
but I was mad as hell
and often told you
to just get it over with
and please do the do
cause I was sick of hearing you cry
and scream and lie....
Lie to me to my face
about the man who now stood
in my real husbands place.
cause there is no way
I would have married a man like you
and then to carry your babies
in my womb
and encourage their growth
knowing their father was screwing it up for us both.
But you made it easy
one night..
yes you did...
when you drunk too much
got in the car and did skid
on some black ice
that of course you didn't see
because at that time
you were not thinking of me
or us three
or the fourth one to be.
Oh that's right,
you knew about him
before you left on that cold december night
with Jack Daniels on your breath.
Yes,
he got here okay
without help from you
or your crazy ass momma
who tried to stand in your place
at my bedside
and go along for the wonderful ride
of the birth of MY son,
I bore with pride.
Some thought he was born in grief
but that was far from true
he would never know you
boo hoo boo hoo.
I dont mean to be flip,
well yes I do
Cause you left an atocious mess
for me to clean up
9 months pregnant
and fed up with your mother's rantings
and your families lies
that you died
trying to make ends for the baby inside.
they had no idea
that you were really trying to be cool,
and I mean bad
bad in the sense that you decided to cheat
and step out on me,
in my condition
......swollen feet.
but I am getting ahead of myself
because I didn't find out about her
until after you left.........
after your death.......
Revenge is sweet
it has often been said
but I know first hand
when the obit was read
Read over the phone
to the trick you were seein
on the side
and to whose house
you were creepin.
She called a few days after you died
and I had the pleasure of makin her cry
that's right,
the trick cried
when I told her
oh by the way
the bastard your calling
is over at St John's Memorial rest
where he's sleeping,
and now you are on the phone weeping
weeping for a man you didn't even know
who lied and told you that he had to go
to get his mind right
because I was at home
not supporting him
and he was feeling alone.
And you believed it.
you believed all of it to be true
and decided to step out with a man
you knew was married
What kind of a sister are u?
And when I told you,
you wanted to hang up the phone
and disconnect the call
that you meant for the ears
of the wreck that was my husband.
My husband, trick!!!!
mine not yours
although I would have glady given him to you
for sure
because he was not the man i married
and who's children I carried.
Oh he didn't tell you
that I was with child
not just pregnant,
but bearing his child
the child he would never see
because he wanted to mess with a woman like me
and go out to the club
and get drunk
and skid
on black ice
it was just his luck.
Who would have thought
that a woman like me
would have a babies daddy
her son would never see
because of the kind of home he came from
with a mom who kept him under her thumb.
I thought at some point
he would break away
I thought at some point he would finally say
to hell with that crazy witch
and decide to be a real husband
and of course provide for his new family
including me,
and oh by the way
the baby makes three.
i would count to four
but you would never know that for sure
cause you died days before your son was born.
You left and failed to warn me
that you had not taken care of business
you see
cause you left me with bills and babies.
And your mother
who is like no other
cause God could not tell the same cruel joke twice
and allow another person to have such a life
a life filled with hate
and torment
and hell
that she tried to pass on
even after you bailed
out on your family
because you were weak
and couldn't stand up on your own two feet.
And be the man who i married
and who's children I carried.
We stood at the alter together
and promised that forever we would be together
but you lied,
I found out sometime later
that you had made promises greater than you were able to fulfill.
and still......
I try not to curse the dead
as you lay in the grave with a stone over your head
that your mother bought some three years later
and tried to make it seem that her love for you was greater
than it really was.
Because if she loved you like she pretended to
then she would not continue to do the things she do
like try to make my life a living hell
and continue to tell
the lies to herself
that I had something to do with the end that was only found by you.
And let's not forget your friend Jack
who you determined would always have your back
because you picked him over me
and that became your wife
you were destined to be friends forever
even in death
as the stink of that alcohol
is still on your breath.
And I try not to curse the dead
but it is hard
when my son has to see your face like a card
instead of seeing you in person
he only looks at a picture
that was once took when we were much happier
you and me
before baby made three.
Who would have ever thought
I would have a babies daddy
and who I would marry
and who's babies I would carry.
And I made a promise
if only to myself
that they would never miss your ass
or ever have stress because they didn't have a daddy,
it's true I wouldn't want them to have a daddy like you.
You didn't deserve the children you got
they are strong and beautiful
and like you their not
not because they dont' know you
but more because they won't do you.
And whatever I have to do
to overcompensate for the absence of you
I will do.
The other part that's true
is that God saved you
from my leaving you
Yes i would have left your ass had you lived
because you failed me
and did give me a life that I was not used to
the drinking,
the suicide,
oh i forgot,
you punked out of that too.
We were leading seperate lives in the same house
but I refused to be quiet as a mouse
I told you in no uncertain terms
that I wouldn't sleep with you
hell... you may have had germs
from that trick you had started
to step out with.
She may have given you a gift.
A gift i wanted no part of
like i no longer wanted any part of you
...there was no love.
Who would have ever thought
that i would have had a babies daddy
that I would marry
and who's children I would carry.
Secretly i thank you for making it easy
to not have to fight you and be queasy
because you would have fought me tooth and nail
and I would have cursed youto hell .
you saved me from fighting for visitation
and from hatin you more than I aready do
or did
or do
who would have ever thought
I would have married a man like you?
Not me.....
and I didn't
because I was un witting ly decieved
by the truth of the past
when we had love
a love that would last
or so i thought
when your ticket I bought.
It could have been sooo goood
if you had only stood
up to your mother
and any other person who would come between you and your family.
But you were weak and depressed,
and eventually you would take matters into your own hands.
And get behind the wheel of the truck
that you totalled one night in December
that road,
that night,
I will always remember.
And boy I was pissed
when they tried to make me responsible
for the mess you left me with
the bill for the truck I didn't even drive
when you were alive.
And i couldn't drive it when you left
cause you totalled it at your own behest.
I try not to curse you
it's true
but I still do
cause i wasn't suppose to have a babies daddy
who i would marry
and who's children I would carry.
It wasn't supposed to be me.
the one who was never supposed to marry.
the one who never saw
the white picket fence ,the minivan, in my future
for me that was no draw
But I do,
well I did
until He decided it was time to rid
me of the obviously unwanted baggage that was my spouse
at first it was good,
then he became a louse
A louse and a lousy drunk,
who stunk like the local 15th street drunk.
And i try not to curse the dead,
but it's hard when I think about all the mess you left
ignorant m@#$%$#@ retard.
And to think
I was once under the impression
that I mattered to you
and was part of your vision for a wonderful life together
you and me,
and oh of course the baby made three well four,
cause right after you left
I had your son,
in grief at your behest
Well they thought I should be gieving tis true
but I couldn't cry over someone who became less like you.
I did cry
but not because I was sad
at least not for myself
but for my daughter's dad.
because she honestly loved you
as only a child could
and she loved you and she always would.
But my son would never know you
maybe thats bad but maybe it's good.
He will never know
the disappointment you had become to me,
but I was not the only one
..... to yourself
and I am sure
that is why you always threatened that you wanted to die.
And I guess I could have been
more sympathetic
and tried to understand
when you had that damn bottle in your hand
that you were far more disappointed
in yourself
more than I could be in anyone else.
but I was mad as hell
and often told you
to just get it over with
and please do the do
cause I was sick of hearing you cry
and scream and lie....
Lie to me to my face
about the man who now stood
in my real husbands place.
cause there is no way
I would have married a man like you
and then to carry your babies
in my womb
and encourage their growth
knowing their father was screwing it up for us both.
But you made it easy
one night..
yes you did...
when you drunk too much
got in the car and did skid
on some black ice
that of course you didn't see
because at that time
you were not thinking of me
or us three
or the fourth one to be.
Oh that's right,
you knew about him
before you left on that cold december night
with Jack Daniels on your breath.
Yes,
he got here okay
without help from you
or your crazy ass momma
who tried to stand in your place
at my bedside
and go along for the wonderful ride
of the birth of MY son,
I bore with pride.
Some thought he was born in grief
but that was far from true
he would never know you
boo hoo boo hoo.
I dont mean to be flip,
well yes I do
Cause you left an atocious mess
for me to clean up
9 months pregnant
and fed up with your mother's rantings
and your families lies
that you died
trying to make ends for the baby inside.
they had no idea
that you were really trying to be cool,
and I mean bad
bad in the sense that you decided to cheat
and step out on me,
in my condition
......swollen feet.
but I am getting ahead of myself
because I didn't find out about her
until after you left.........
after your death.......
Revenge is sweet
it has often been said
but I know first hand
when the obit was read
Read over the phone
to the trick you were seein
on the side
and to whose house
you were creepin.
She called a few days after you died
and I had the pleasure of makin her cry
that's right,
the trick cried
when I told her
oh by the way
the bastard your calling
is over at St John's Memorial rest
where he's sleeping,
and now you are on the phone weeping
weeping for a man you didn't even know
who lied and told you that he had to go
to get his mind right
because I was at home
not supporting him
and he was feeling alone.
And you believed it.
you believed all of it to be true
and decided to step out with a man
you knew was married
What kind of a sister are u?
And when I told you,
you wanted to hang up the phone
and disconnect the call
that you meant for the ears
of the wreck that was my husband.
My husband, trick!!!!
mine not yours
although I would have glady given him to you
for sure
because he was not the man i married
and who's children I carried.
Oh he didn't tell you
that I was with child
not just pregnant,
but bearing his child
the child he would never see
because he wanted to mess with a woman like me
and go out to the club
and get drunk
and skid
on black ice
it was just his luck.
Who would have thought
that a woman like me
would have a babies daddy
her son would never see
because of the kind of home he came from
with a mom who kept him under her thumb.
I thought at some point
he would break away
I thought at some point he would finally say
to hell with that crazy witch
and decide to be a real husband
and of course provide for his new family
including me,
and oh by the way
the baby makes three.
i would count to four
but you would never know that for sure
cause you died days before your son was born.
You left and failed to warn me
that you had not taken care of business
you see
cause you left me with bills and babies.
And your mother
who is like no other
cause God could not tell the same cruel joke twice
and allow another person to have such a life
a life filled with hate
and torment
and hell
that she tried to pass on
even after you bailed
out on your family
because you were weak
and couldn't stand up on your own two feet.
And be the man who i married
and who's children I carried.
We stood at the alter together
and promised that forever we would be together
but you lied,
I found out sometime later
that you had made promises greater than you were able to fulfill.
and still......
I try not to curse the dead
as you lay in the grave with a stone over your head
that your mother bought some three years later
and tried to make it seem that her love for you was greater
than it really was.
Because if she loved you like she pretended to
then she would not continue to do the things she do
like try to make my life a living hell
and continue to tell
the lies to herself
that I had something to do with the end that was only found by you.
And let's not forget your friend Jack
who you determined would always have your back
because you picked him over me
and that became your wife
you were destined to be friends forever
even in death
as the stink of that alcohol
is still on your breath.
And I try not to curse the dead
but it is hard
when my son has to see your face like a card
instead of seeing you in person
he only looks at a picture
that was once took when we were much happier
you and me
before baby made three.
Who would have ever thought
I would have a babies daddy
and who I would marry
and who's babies I would carry.
And I made a promise
if only to myself
that they would never miss your ass
or ever have stress because they didn't have a daddy,
it's true I wouldn't want them to have a daddy like you.
You didn't deserve the children you got
they are strong and beautiful
and like you their not
not because they dont' know you
but more because they won't do you.
And whatever I have to do
to overcompensate for the absence of you
I will do.
The other part that's true
is that God saved you
from my leaving you
Yes i would have left your ass had you lived
because you failed me
and did give me a life that I was not used to
the drinking,
the suicide,
oh i forgot,
you punked out of that too.
We were leading seperate lives in the same house
but I refused to be quiet as a mouse
I told you in no uncertain terms
that I wouldn't sleep with you
hell... you may have had germs
from that trick you had started
to step out with.
She may have given you a gift.
A gift i wanted no part of
like i no longer wanted any part of you
...there was no love.
Who would have ever thought
that i would have had a babies daddy
that I would marry
and who's children I would carry.
Secretly i thank you for making it easy
to not have to fight you and be queasy
because you would have fought me tooth and nail
and I would have cursed youto hell .
you saved me from fighting for visitation
and from hatin you more than I aready do
or did
or do
who would have ever thought
I would have married a man like you?
Not me.....
and I didn't
because I was un witting ly decieved
by the truth of the past
when we had love
a love that would last
or so i thought
when your ticket I bought.
It could have been sooo goood
if you had only stood
up to your mother
and any other person who would come between you and your family.
But you were weak and depressed,
and eventually you would take matters into your own hands.
And get behind the wheel of the truck
that you totalled one night in December
that road,
that night,
I will always remember.
And boy I was pissed
when they tried to make me responsible
for the mess you left me with
the bill for the truck I didn't even drive
when you were alive.
And i couldn't drive it when you left
cause you totalled it at your own behest.
I try not to curse you
it's true
but I still do
cause i wasn't suppose to have a babies daddy
who i would marry
and who's children I would carry.
It wasn't supposed to be me.
And I am Still Missing You
First the background. I lost my sister 8 years ago. Her birthday is 2 days from now. She would have been 37. That is what my mother said to me last night when I spoke to her on the telephone - which is our tradition - everynight at 9 regardless of the time zone.
I knew her birthday was coming..... it comes the same time every year.......I knew why she said it.....but it made it no less hard to hear. We have done this every year for the past 8 years. It still does not make it easier to hear This year.... no different....I start going back to the darkness of my grief.....the redness of my anger.........the pink and green we both wore so proudly..........the gray of my mood.........the muticolor of my funk.......but it still made it no easier to hear.
We have done this every year for the past 8 years. The next thing that will occur is calling my dad to not talk about it. To just check on him, as that is my responsibility as the oldest. He will be cool. cheerful. and will not say one word about the big ass elephant in the room. We have done it for the past 8 years. It still does not make it easier to not hear.
Then I will talk to my baby brother. We will chit chat about daily life stuff, in that hushed tone that he speaks in , that most days is hard to hear. He will say something like "you know Kaye Puff's birthday is coming up". I 'll acknowledge it. then we will move on to the rest of the chit chat, and end the conversation more quickly, as I see him more frequently now. We have done it for 8 years. It doesn't make it any easier to hear.
Then I will contemplate whether I will make mention of it to my children. My daughter remembers her Te Te. My son only knows her name, and may be able to recognize a picture. My daughter, who is the spitting image of my sister, who carries the weight of the world on her shoulders, who is so in touch with her grief that she will instantly begin to cry and reminensce, will take a few days to recover if she hears it again. i contemplate every year. I have done it for the past 8 years.
Do I want to have my child feeling those feelings today? We have done this dance for 8 years. It doesnt make it any easier to hear and not say. i will call my mother, probably more than once on my sister's birthday. At first, she will try to sound brave. She will ask how I am doing. I will feind strength because that is what I do. She will become quiet - maybe the first or second phone call. She will be crying but not wanting me to know that she is. She will be hurting, and the only comfort I have for her is the acknowledgement. Me too mom. We have done it for eight years. It still doesnt make it any easier to hear.
Differently this year, I will be driving down some of the same streets my sister drove down, as I am in the city she once lived in. I will turn the same corners, stop at the same traffic lights, play the same radio station, and cry the same tears. i cry alone, in my car when I am driving, because that is what i do. I have done it for the past 8 years. it doesnt make it any easier to feel.
Love you Kaye Puff. I know u are still here.
I knew her birthday was coming..... it comes the same time every year.......I knew why she said it.....but it made it no less hard to hear. We have done this every year for the past 8 years. It still does not make it easier to hear This year.... no different....I start going back to the darkness of my grief.....the redness of my anger.........the pink and green we both wore so proudly..........the gray of my mood.........the muticolor of my funk.......but it still made it no easier to hear.
We have done this every year for the past 8 years. The next thing that will occur is calling my dad to not talk about it. To just check on him, as that is my responsibility as the oldest. He will be cool. cheerful. and will not say one word about the big ass elephant in the room. We have done it for the past 8 years. It still does not make it easier to not hear.
Then I will talk to my baby brother. We will chit chat about daily life stuff, in that hushed tone that he speaks in , that most days is hard to hear. He will say something like "you know Kaye Puff's birthday is coming up". I 'll acknowledge it. then we will move on to the rest of the chit chat, and end the conversation more quickly, as I see him more frequently now. We have done it for 8 years. It doesn't make it any easier to hear.
Then I will contemplate whether I will make mention of it to my children. My daughter remembers her Te Te. My son only knows her name, and may be able to recognize a picture. My daughter, who is the spitting image of my sister, who carries the weight of the world on her shoulders, who is so in touch with her grief that she will instantly begin to cry and reminensce, will take a few days to recover if she hears it again. i contemplate every year. I have done it for the past 8 years.
Do I want to have my child feeling those feelings today? We have done this dance for 8 years. It doesnt make it any easier to hear and not say. i will call my mother, probably more than once on my sister's birthday. At first, she will try to sound brave. She will ask how I am doing. I will feind strength because that is what I do. She will become quiet - maybe the first or second phone call. She will be crying but not wanting me to know that she is. She will be hurting, and the only comfort I have for her is the acknowledgement. Me too mom. We have done it for eight years. It still doesnt make it any easier to hear.
Differently this year, I will be driving down some of the same streets my sister drove down, as I am in the city she once lived in. I will turn the same corners, stop at the same traffic lights, play the same radio station, and cry the same tears. i cry alone, in my car when I am driving, because that is what i do. I have done it for the past 8 years. it doesnt make it any easier to feel.
Love you Kaye Puff. I know u are still here.
Jealousy by Any other Name......
Jealousy has been called by a lot of names
but the one I hear makes them all the same.
The green eyed monster it is often called,
for those who wish to see me fall.
Jealousy has been called by a lot of names,
but the one I hear makes them all the same.
This monster has gotten the best of you
to make you do the things you do.
Jealousy has been called by a lot of names,
but the one I hear makes them all the same.
The monster within has a light that shines
that shows just how you are inclined.
Jealousy has been called by a lot of names,
but the one I hear makes them all the same.
The monster grows and devours it's true
the monster that grows inside of you.
Jealousy has been called by a lot of names,
but the one I hear makes them all the same.
I wasn't sure, at first, it's true
that the real monster really is you.
but the one I hear makes them all the same.
The green eyed monster it is often called,
for those who wish to see me fall.
Jealousy has been called by a lot of names,
but the one I hear makes them all the same.
This monster has gotten the best of you
to make you do the things you do.
Jealousy has been called by a lot of names,
but the one I hear makes them all the same.
The monster within has a light that shines
that shows just how you are inclined.
Jealousy has been called by a lot of names,
but the one I hear makes them all the same.
The monster grows and devours it's true
the monster that grows inside of you.
Jealousy has been called by a lot of names,
but the one I hear makes them all the same.
I wasn't sure, at first, it's true
that the real monster really is you.
Representation
You should be ashamed of yourself for being such a poor representation of a man.
You have a family that depends on you, as only they can.
Having a feeble wife and a sickly child,
The bags under her eyes take away her smile.
She has a job, and is raising your boys,
While you sit in the lab playing with big boy toys.
And she has to continuously hear the accolades of your mother
Who’s breast you still suckle even though you are older.
Too old for the meaningless life you lead
Seeking higher knowledge while your family bleeds.
From a place that is deep and is full of regret
Because of the choices that were made at your behest.
You should be ashamed because you are not holding up your end
Of the bargain that was struck after she was your friend.
And became your wife and bore your three sons
On the promise that one day she’d be the one
Who didn’t have to work so hard for the future
That she would be the one relaxing for sure.
That she could devote herself soley
To the tasks she signed on for, to love you only.
You should be ashamed of yourself for being such a poor representation of a man.
For striking out at yet another woman.
One who you underestimated and tried to upstage
And found yourself levelled by her intellectually charged rage .
The one you tried to patronize
In the presence of others
Who you, when convenient, consider your brothers.
But she called you the coward you are by name
And took none of the blame
For your poor representation As a father, a man, and in this situation
The defender of your pitiful wife,
Eyes swollen, shaken, and filled with strife
Because she signed on the dotted line
Of a contract that you have obviously left behind
Because you are too busy trying to be
The doctor that your mother needs so desperately to see.
But when it all is said and done
And I have truly achieved,
You will still be sitting in the lab .......
And your wife will still be wishing for things she never had.
Cause you really only represent you
The truest you, tried and true.
And you will never be anything more
Than an illusion of a man
Who has the chore
Of attending to a woman
who has faith in you no more.
You have a family that depends on you, as only they can.
Having a feeble wife and a sickly child,
The bags under her eyes take away her smile.
She has a job, and is raising your boys,
While you sit in the lab playing with big boy toys.
And she has to continuously hear the accolades of your mother
Who’s breast you still suckle even though you are older.
Too old for the meaningless life you lead
Seeking higher knowledge while your family bleeds.
From a place that is deep and is full of regret
Because of the choices that were made at your behest.
You should be ashamed because you are not holding up your end
Of the bargain that was struck after she was your friend.
And became your wife and bore your three sons
On the promise that one day she’d be the one
Who didn’t have to work so hard for the future
That she would be the one relaxing for sure.
That she could devote herself soley
To the tasks she signed on for, to love you only.
You should be ashamed of yourself for being such a poor representation of a man.
For striking out at yet another woman.
One who you underestimated and tried to upstage
And found yourself levelled by her intellectually charged rage .
The one you tried to patronize
In the presence of others
Who you, when convenient, consider your brothers.
But she called you the coward you are by name
And took none of the blame
For your poor representation As a father, a man, and in this situation
The defender of your pitiful wife,
Eyes swollen, shaken, and filled with strife
Because she signed on the dotted line
Of a contract that you have obviously left behind
Because you are too busy trying to be
The doctor that your mother needs so desperately to see.
But when it all is said and done
And I have truly achieved,
You will still be sitting in the lab .......
And your wife will still be wishing for things she never had.
Cause you really only represent you
The truest you, tried and true.
And you will never be anything more
Than an illusion of a man
Who has the chore
Of attending to a woman
who has faith in you no more.
Man or Mouse?
Are you a man or a mouse?
Who lives in the house
That was built by your spouse,
Because you are such a louse?
Are you a man or a punk?
Wrist bent and talking junk.
Frontin like you aint really a punk?
Are you a man or a boy?
Continuing to play with toys
Failing to rear your own three boys
Who fail to see their mothers joy?
Are you a man or a kid?
Trying to rid Yourself of the guilt of the things you did
And making a pitiful bid
On a lifestyle that’s big.
Are you a man or your mother’s son?
The one That she leans on to be the SUN
That sheds light on the other ones?
I know who you really are
A fake and a punk and a fallen star
And a lousy husband and father, by far.
Riddled with jealousy and envy and a scar
Because you finally realize what you really are.
Who lives in the house
That was built by your spouse,
Because you are such a louse?
Are you a man or a punk?
Wrist bent and talking junk.
Frontin like you aint really a punk?
Are you a man or a boy?
Continuing to play with toys
Failing to rear your own three boys
Who fail to see their mothers joy?
Are you a man or a kid?
Trying to rid Yourself of the guilt of the things you did
And making a pitiful bid
On a lifestyle that’s big.
Are you a man or your mother’s son?
The one That she leans on to be the SUN
That sheds light on the other ones?
I know who you really are
A fake and a punk and a fallen star
And a lousy husband and father, by far.
Riddled with jealousy and envy and a scar
Because you finally realize what you really are.
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